


What I Know

by wildwordwomyn



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-24
Updated: 2007-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwordwomyn/pseuds/wildwordwomyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen wakes up with a bad feeling. What he doesn't know is that the bad feeling is himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This comes from a plot bunny that ran away shortly after making an appearance in my muddled brain so if you don't like it I blame that coward! Btw, told in the present from Jensen's POV.

Today I wake up knowing in my gut that something is wrong. I don’t know how I know, but I know nonetheless. It is 5am and I only want to go back to sleep. Instead I yawn, stretch, sit up, yawn again. I get out of bed and walk briskly to the shower, making a mental note to turn up the heat in my condo. There’s a chill in the air...I turn on the water to let it warm up, then step into the tub. A half hour later I’m out again, drying off, reveling in the steam that fills my small bathroom. I’m glad today is Saturday, that I don’t have to work, that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I turn up the heat then go about my normal Saturday morning routine of making coffee after I dress. I wait anxiously for that bad thing that happens today to present itself. At 7 o’clock exactly, when I’m sitting in the living room reading the daily paper, drinking more coffee and eating a cereal bar, I hear a knock on my front door. I drop the bar and sit my mug down on the coffee table. When I look through the peep hole I’m not surprised at the face I see. What I am surprised at is the unusual expression.

“Jay? What’s up?” I ask as soon as I open the door.

“...I...Can I come in?” he asks in response, subdued.

“Yeah, man. Course you can.”

He doesn’t bounce in. This is my second clue. Jay is a bundle of excess energy. He moves like a storm, like lightning. Always. Except today. I usher him in, sit him down on the sofa, sink beside him. I look at him, waiting. When he doesn’t automatically speak, just watches the wall opposite us as if it tells his fortune my eyebrows furrow in concern. Because of his high energy level Jay likes to talk. A lot. As in all the time. Non stop. Something is definitely wrong with my friend.

“Jay?...Talk to me...Come on...” I coax softly, laying a hand on his knee.

“Sandy......She broke up with me...Said...Said it wasn’t working......She just hung up, Jen. Said she was sorry, that it wasn’t working, and hung up...”

And then my unbreakable friend breaks before my eyes. He folds in on himself as sobs slice their way through him. I pat his shoulder distractedly, stunned at the news. Suddenly he is in my arms, wailing long and loud. I know he loves her, know he assumed they’d get married in a year, so this is a shock for me. I can’t even imagine how it feels for him. I forget for a while that I am a macho Texas man who doesn’t touch other men intimately, whatever the circumstance, and hold him close, soothing him with soft whispers in his ear and tender strokes down his back.

When he shoves his face into my neck and fights to breathe my heart stutters. This is when I realize what is wrong is not that Sandy broke up with Jay or that Jay is miserable about it. The twisted feeling in my gut is my hand reaching up to wrap around his neck as if it’s fragile, caressing in a way that has nothing to do with friendship. I am the bad thing I was warned about when I woke up, because the little kisses I leave on his temple aren’t good, or right. Nor is the way I pull him onto my lap and proceed to make love to him like my life depended on it. At 5am I didn’t suspect that I would do such a horrible thing by taking advantage of my friend in need. At 7:30 this is what I am doing, and how to stop is a question I can’t answer...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen wakes up with a bad feeling. What he doesn't know is that the bad feeling is himself. Only for Jared he's every good thing there is in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sequel, told from Jared's POV, written because the story felt unfinished. Hope it can be laid to rest now.

Early on Sunday morning I come to the land of the living suddenly. There is no period of adjustment, no slow rise of the eyelids or steady lightening of the limbs. My blood doesn’t warm gradually. I just go from asleep to awake. Period. And when I wake it is to my best friend’s face on the pillow next to mine. I remember then why he is there. Or, rather, why I am here. I remember coming over crying about Sandy dumping me and ending up in Jen’s bed. But I have no idea how it happened. How we had sex together. We are friends. Close as brothers. Family. And I have never wanted another man before, not even him. Not that anyone would blame me but it doesn’t cross my mind. Ever. So why did I let him…do…what he did? Why did I want to? Honestly? I haven’t the slightest clue…

“I’m sorry,” he whsipers softly, rolling away from me. I didn’t know he was even awake yet.

“Jen?” I reach out a hand to touch him, to feel him, but he is too quick, too scared. “Jen?” He stands bathed in moonlight, pale and naked, beautiful. He stands alone. I have no idea what to say.

“I am so sorry, Jay…” He faces me, exposed, but he won’t look me in eye. Or he can’t. As much as I need to believe we can go on his gaze remains focused on the floor. “You should go.”

“…I……” I sit up, shaken, shaking. “Jen, please…Don’t develop a sense of violated morals now, okay?” His chin raises and he finally catches my stare. “…I…I need you,” I plead quietly, my own eyes dropping to the blanket covering me.

When he slips back into bed beside me I feel like all is right with my world again, as if I can breathe. He pulls me close to his body to wrap his arms around me in a warm, comforting embrace, manouvering us so that my head sits on his chest. I almost think _what are we doing, why aren’t we stopping_, then realize I don’t care. Nothing counts but the sound of his heartbeat under my cheek, the smoothness of his skin, the strength he holds me with as we lay in this dark silence of his. Nothing hurts but the knowledge that I am safe here, that I always have been, that I spend so much time only working on our friendship. I didn’t consider what else we could be to each other and, now that I know, I want to find out how much more of him I can have.

“Jay, I-.”

“Shh.” I cut him off. I know what he wants to say, the question he wants to ask. “Let’s just sleep,” I answer in my own way. “Please? Just let me go back to sleep…Right here, okay? I’m good right here. With you.”

And I am. Better than I have been in longer than I thought possible. Because with Jen I am just Jay. Nothing more, nothing less. Lying here in his bed, in his arms, all that exists in this moment is the two of us and it is enough. Especially when he runs his fingers through my hair and gently pulls up. I lean forward. I am eager for the kiss he will plant on my willing lips. Eager for the caresses he will greet my waiting body with. When he permits himself to do these things I give in so easily I start to wonder if maybe I have been waiting since the day we met. Doesn’t matter. Anything that happened yesterday is the past. Now is my future and it’s getting better with every second that passes…


End file.
